Oh Hey, It Wasn’t You…It Was Me OR How I Squat When I Sleepwalk

Sorry I have been such a shitty bloggerfriend. The month of February was kind of a blur. Break ups are hard, right? Well, I broke up with my old job. I started a new job March 1st and so I have basically been a complete mess for the last 30 days while I came to terms with it. I was making good money, had great benefits, worked with great people, loved my clients…but, you know what? I wasn’t inspired. I was standing still. I was dying a little inside. So, I took a different job.

And, honestly, I was fucking terrified. But, like, totally in a good way. Really. But now, I am completely fucking excited.

So, the last 30 days were a little rough. My anxiety levels had gone through the roof. My insomnia was/is still terrible. I have also kind of been a shitty real-life friend too.

So….Sorry. It wasn’t you, it was me. You are all beautiful. And smart. And funny. And have nice teeth.

But, hey. I’m baaaaack. 

This post is already way too long, but I just have to tell you this story before I go. A fun part about my insomnia, is that it is sometimes accompanied by sleep walking. Especially when I am under a great deal of stress. Ya know…like..the last 30 days or so.

I am also a rare member of the sleepwalking club who can remember bits of the sleepwalking after I wake up. I think it has something to do with being able to direct my dreams too.


My Crossfit workouts often times feature this terrible exercise called Wall Balls. You squat, rise up, throwing a medicine ball up against a wall, like 9ft up, and then catch it, squatting back down and throwing it back up. It’s fucking awful. It works 11 muscle groups and, if you are lucky, the ball will only land on your face once or twice. For me, it’s a fucking nightmare…real life and in sleep.

Preach it

Cue: sleepwalking.

So, about two weeks ago, in the middle of the night I had a dream about Wall Balls. Only, sometime during the 3rd or 4th stage of my sleep cycle, I got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. What I thought I was doing was walking across the gym to do some fucking Wall Balls. Uhhhh…here’s a play by play of what I believe happened:

1. Stephanie leaves bed and heads to the kitchen/Stephanie walks across the gym noticing that the wall balls are all deflated.
2. Stephanie grabs a 14lb wall ball off the rack/Stephanie grabs a green stock pot out of the cabinet
3. Stephanie squats with the ball/Stephanie squats with the empty green stock pot several times
4. Stephanie notices her hands are stuck to the wall ball/stock pot and she cannot throw it
5. Stephanie put the wall ball/stock pot onto the ground and selects another ball/large black skillet
6. Stephanie squats with the new ball/skillet a few times
7. Stephanie notices that, again, she is unable to get the ball/skillet out of her hand
8. She puts it on the ground, returns to the cabinet…cycle starts over again

When I came to, I was standing in the kitchen in front of several pans and my dog was whining at me with genuine concern. I was mildly confused, embarrassed for some reason and my hamstrings were tired.

The next day…

Me to Drew: “So, do you like remember me doing wall balls in the kitchen with the stock pot?”

Drew: “What? No….”

Me: “Oh, I think I just might have done some sleep walking during my Wall Ball nightmare. It’s totally fine.”

Drew: “…….”

Me: *awkward change of subject*

I just hope that I don’t sleepwalk my reoccurring dream about punching my junior high social studies teacher in the face. He was such a twat.

Let’s talk again soon.


One thought on “Oh Hey, It Wasn’t You…It Was Me OR How I Squat When I Sleepwalk

  1. Wait OMG. This is TOO EFFING FUNNY about your sleepsquatting! ugh, wallballs are literally the bane of my existence. short people problems to the max. And I totally feel you about breaking up with the job and having a nervous breakdown! I was exactly there this past summer. Quit my full time job and moved back in with my parents so I could start my own business and go back to grad school. Scary as shit but things are really looking up 🙂 Best of luck!


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